Sunday, April 29, 2007

I'm A Boxing Bag.

I'm a boxing bag.
Yes, the bag boxers use to practise on. Other people - non boxers - use it to get rid of their rage.
Well, I don't know what's really wrong with me. I believe i am peaceful. I choose to be peaceful actually. Apparently that is very wrong. Being a democrat is also wrong.
They will always find a way to make your silence appear as "hidden thoughts". Or your democracy as "weakness to face facts".
So what if i hate to take sides? Even if i feel down deep that one of the sides is wrong. I choose to think that maybe there's a fact i failed to consider, and therefore, i again, refuse to take sides.
Paulo Coelho once said: " Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
This sentence is a project that i have been trying to apply for a while. But Paulo, this sentense is very tricky. It makes you imagine that if you actually start leading your own life, without interference with others' lives, others will start doing the same. Paulo, you must have been thinking about Utopia.
Apparently speaking out and saying what you feel and what irritates you creates tremendous problems. Humans never seem to forget. If you choose silence, and take the glory of sharing your own thoughts with yourself only, this will create even deeper problems. Apathetic, some people might even call you. If you choose to listen, and only listen, then you are not helping and not making progress. If you choose to contribute with your well ponderred opinion, then this is the real catastrophe. Because you are going to be responsible for this opinion. You will be asked about it, and required to elaborate until you are proven wrong.
My favorite part in most movies, is when the characters suddenly explode and say all what had to be said since the movie started. Wether it was improsined screams, burning love declerations, or tears that have been waiting forever to be shed. This usually hapens in the climax. And after it, all knots are untied.
It's funny i never reached a climax in my life. I always meet new people, new stiuations, new incidents, and there's always a climax that i perfectly draw and practise over and over in my mind. But, I never reach it. Climaxes in real life only tie the knots harder. Climaxes, also, are part of Paulo's Utopia.
So what if I'm a boxing bag? I think it's better to be the boxing bag than being the boxer.
I want to reach my climax now. It is going to be silence. Ultimate silence. And if my climax is going to tie more knots, you are most welcome to beat the boxing bag.